The fight against climate change is a difficult job. No one person is assigned this duty and no one person can be successful. Like never before in history, humans have to come together and act as one to get through this. Today I feel like giving up. Not just on the fight against pollution but on humanity. As reports roll in on loss of huge portions of the remaining giant sequoias and Alberta's politicians talk about removing the East side of the Rocky Mountains to get at coal deposits, I just want to curl up in my basement and watch 007 destroy a class 'A' villain. If no one else gives a damn then why am I so upset at the cost of disconnecting my single home heat from the gas pipeline? It won't make a difference.
This is the holistic nature of being a climate change fighter. You are fighting humanity, not something outside of 'us.' There is no 'us' and 'them' in this situation. No one to wind up and take swing at or take aim and fire at. Those days are behind us as a species. There is no dispute that we need the diverse organisms that live on earth to sustain us not to mention give us a fulfilling life. Don't get me wrong, there are criminals, people who have pushed profit over proliferation of the human race. We see them behind cigarette ads to children, meat producer lobby groups cutting down forests for pasture, and maybe even more pervasively, that marketing agency who managed to label methane (one of earth's most deadly green house gasses) as 'natural gas' so we would all feel so nice about burning it for heat. After all, it's natural! Just like paleolithic humans only ate meat, right (turns out we've always been more vegetarian than carnivore)? But these villains of history will fade into the background in one way or another. Either through mass extinction of humanity or by a growing unification of people. Both outcomes are driven by the same climate disaster we find ourselves in now. Eventually, we must all wake up to a great consciousness that we are not alone, that we are more than a sack of meat consuming the earths gifts without gratitude. This is happening now through aspects of religion, self-reflection, and simply a deep seated knowledge of what is good and wholesome and what is not. Many are fighting this humbling change and will fight this to the grave. Many are accepting the hard work of letting go.
Climate fighters need to be informed without becoming overwhelmed by those who refuse change. It's like training for a triathlon. It takes endurance and a long term training program. It requires mental and emotional fitness. You need rest days. You need to know yourself well enough to identify why you're experiencing climate anxiety. You need to separate your thoughts so they are outside of you and they don't stop you from taking action.
Maybe more applicably, it's like boxing with a friend. You take punches and give them. You move around from one approach to another. Both sides in the ring know that they are doing this for fitness, fun, and to develop a skill. But if you never take a break or have relationship outside of the ring, then you're simply fighting. Now add everyone you know into that ring. Anyone could throw a "but aren't solar panels just as polluting as coal?" punch at you at any moment. In this scenario fighting just isn't good enough. Maybe you can develop some precision in your punches and can hit big oil where it hurts but if you biff your mother or your neighbor in the execution you're in trouble. They didn't sign up to fight. You did, and that asshole in the far corner spinning fake news to get ad dollars on their Bible belt website also signed up. But your hair dresser is just asking a question about something they saw on Facebook.
Sometimes the panic sets in. With this crowd of people forcing your anger to weave slow pathways through the apathetic bystanders, claustrophobia can set in. You know what needs to happen but you just can't get to the opponent in time. Another oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, another town burned to the ground after three 50 degree Celsius days in a row, another announcement of a government with a vomit inducing policy. This is how I feel today.
Am I fit to fight? Am I able to do this dance for the rest of my life, taking punches from friends and family while winding up my fists to make a real difference? Do I need to step out of the ring or disappear into the crowd for a while? My nine year old daughter saw my tears this morning after another climate disaster took away a large portion of one of my bucket list ecosystems to visit. She doesn't feel it like I do and for that I'm thankful. But she does feel it. It's hard to throw a punch when your little girl is looking up at you with sad eyes.
So I re-center myself. I plant my feet in today and the choices directly in front of me. If that means a long conversation with a climate dismissive bystander so that I can work my way towards meaningful action, then so be it. I must do this with humility and love or I've missed the point. If my activism grows from shallow anger and not a depth of care for all created things then I've lost the fight. If it means that action is so slow that my children never get to see the trees and wildlife that I was able to see well...actually I don't know what to say to that. I makes me want to hit something.